Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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