I got chris browned last night
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize