He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish you could order shots online.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize