I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
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I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Someone came in the potted fern
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
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I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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