cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
my being single is dangerous.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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