dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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