we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
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he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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