I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
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Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
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My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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