I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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