eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
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Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
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Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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