grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
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If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
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We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize