My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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