i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
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He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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