I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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