Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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