If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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