sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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