man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
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Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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