Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
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I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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