sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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