what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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