If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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