ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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