I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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