Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
whose ass print is on the piano?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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