my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize