my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
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we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
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My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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