new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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