I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
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I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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