Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize