hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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