that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize