is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
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He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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