I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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