his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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