I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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