wat bout pragnant strippers??
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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