I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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