Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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