I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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