dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
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OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
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Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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