I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize