My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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