the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
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christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
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it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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