I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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