the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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