I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
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If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
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I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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