im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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