Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize