i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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