remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
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I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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